This is not TMI…it is precisely what is needed to dig in and get honest. What you said about self-loathing is PRECISELY what stops us. Lack of self-love and acceptance. So you start out hot and heavy, then trail off, over and over again. Which weakens your self-esteem and belief you can accomplish your goals. Note how separate this is from the actual abilities you may or may not have.
So…write a story about someone in your situation, who has a pattern of failure connected with a goal or need, who is dealing with self-love and acceptance. Perhaps let this same person care about a child…or even a dog. And show more acceptance and love for this person/creature’s feelings and failings and potential than they can for their own.
Remember the pattern at the core of being a Social Justice Writer?
1) Love yourself.
2) Love one other person
3) Expand your sense of self to include mankind, loving humanity and understanding our history without guilt, blame, or shame.
4) Find your tribe. Help it grow.
It is 100% normal to “fail” at any activity if that activity’s success would change your self image. So it is reasonable to assume that the pattern of failure is a diagnostic: the problem is the emotional underpinnings, the self-image. THAT is what has to shift to produce the results you want. The fastest way to change that requires your willingness to spend a year, if necessary. Once you are willing to do that, you can actually make serious progress in a week–but it won’t “stick” until you’ve repeated the process multiple times. Here you want to
1) simply commit to loving yourself and being happy.
2) Every three hours stop and take a 60-second “breathing break” using low, slow diaphragmatic breaths.
3) Every morning, spend 10-20 minutes moving (walking, running, dancing, yoga, tai chi) while focusing your mind on the positive things in your life, and chanting affirmations like “every day in every way I’m getting better and better” or one that appeals to you. For this 10-20 minutes “fake it until you make it”, playing the role of someone who believes. MOVE YOUR BODY at the same time.
4) We have other resources for you, but first just get started. JOURNAL your results. Keep track of your emotions day to day. YOU WILL FAIL at first. Fall off the horse. “Forget” to practice. Get “too busy”. This is totally normal. WRITE DOWN the excuses you devise to explain it.
And…forgive yourself. Love yourself. You are in the process, if you will accept the challenge. Give yourself a year to re-wire your nervous system. Don’t let your ego tell you “If I’ve failed before, I”ll always fail” or “If I stop or blow it, there is no use in trying.” And…let us know how you’re doing. Reach out to us. Bond to the people on this board, and bring in new people if you can.
And remember to love yourself, always.