Joy for the survival and overcoming and allies and the strength to stand tall. I’ll try to hang on to that.
I can cope with Namaste (the god/goddess in me honors the god/goddess in you, is the translation I learned).
I was doing this work without much guidance and was concerned … hmmm … about going off the deep end, I guess. Terrified I might come to believe I was a conduit from some grand divine source. Self-delusion of the kind that mega-preacher who announced God was going to “call him home” if he didn’t raise $X million for his church. *THAT* level of self-confidence in me is about as likely as stone trolls eating my house, but insecurity breeds a defensive arrogance I have had to throttle a few times in my life. There’s a part of me that hates being wrong and detests decisions who would *love* to believe I could generate the answers to everything.
Huh. There’s a thick line in my head between conferring with myself for inspiration and epiphanies about self-growth — and conferring with that same “source” for the solution to world problems. As long as I restrict it to my *own* potential behavior/acts/beliefs, though, that becomes acceptable.
Blathering a bit, but I wanted to figure out what my reservations actually were so I could address them and try it.
I’ve never been much into hero-worship. I’m going to have to do some noodling to figure out who I’d want on my “council,” and some reading to know enough about them to envision them properly.
(Note to the class: I’m actually getting a touch of confidence out of publicly discussing something that private about my mental processes. But it also feels a bit like dancing half-naked on a stage while the audience giggles behind their hands — not the most comfy experience. I trust you’re not actually laughing at me, but if a few more students wanted to chime in about your experiences, that would be *awesome.* Everybody’s so QUIET!!! LOL).